Feeling validated

I see a therapist. She is absolutely lovely and I really like her a lot. As we go through and get to know one another more we open up to each other......well, I guess I open up to her.

I have anxiety. I am ok saying that because it is just a part of who I am it's just that recently it has become a bigger issue in my life. While I was talking to her I was telling her about an old boss of mine and described the things that she had done to me while I was working under her. She validated my feelings and fears that came from working with this woman and told me that it was her and that it wasn't me. In a way, I felt like I should feel good about this because it made me feel like she was telling me that I was a threat to her. She knew that I did a good job and she chastised me for it. I am not one to think this way of people generally but when it came to her and how much she messed with my mind I had gone back to a place that I was at when I was 21-26 years old.

I was in a position where I would question my every move, made sure that I didn't make mistakes and felt like a total failure when I made them because she would only ask me about the mistakes I made. Not anyone else in the office. This person acted as if she was a "buddy" of mine and then would chastise me all in the same breath it seemed. Today I felt that what was happening wasn't me this time, it wasn't something that I did when that is all that I thought and by her talking to me about it and explaining it to me in a professional manner I felt like I was released from those inadequate feelings.

I worry a lot, I am very worst case scenario and most of all I am really not fair to myself or give myself enough credit for the good that I do. I also feel that when I do good, I shouldn't be proud of my accomplishments because then it becomes boasting. Not me boasting but other people thinking that I am.........I feel like a complicated being.

Working through my anxiety issues and learning to cope with better ways and like my therapist says look at my feelings and worry with curiosity and compassion is going to be hard but it is also going to be worth it.