I had a co-worker get mad at me because I told her that she couldn't do something she had committed to.
I had someone post that I was drinking on the weekend, which is cool but, drinking increases my anxiety issues so, it made me overthink that night.
I had someone question me when I misunderstood that I didn't want to hang out with the one who was mad at me to make an already uncomfortable situation more uncomfortable. I am not in the business of being uncomfortable or having anyone be awkward because of "issues."
My husband was gone for 9 days and it was my daughter and I alone all week and being a new town with no friends and one that was mad at me made it for a rough week all together.
I am saying all of this because I have been in deep thought for 2 days about a lot of things and I have come to a conclusion.
Facebook and alcohol are not my friends.
I have found that over the coming months some issues with myself and with Facebook. Over the election time and all of this racial divide I have seen it first hand in my feed. As a person that is somewhat ignorant to these racial dilemmas, I have seen that people are on either side of the fence and seeing the arguments and opinions of either side made me really think that I don't really want to see others opinions. I kind of take them personally even though I shouldn't and make judgements against people. I have noticed myself scrolling and thinking.
"Oh she had a baby." and "Here we go again on the race train" or "Oh look at her boasting"
WHO AM I?
Sometimes I think that we can know too much about a person and some people including myself build this type of "persona" on the internet. Case in point. I have a tough daughter and she IS TOUGH and strong willed and it drives me up a wall. I jokingly said that people either look at my Facebook and think I am being funny or I seriously can't handle my child and he said I think it's both.
That made me think. If I am on the screen judging than everyone else is too and we are all putting ourselves out there and being validated as who we are as a person on a sentence, picture, or anything really.
Not only that, people use it as a ploy to let others know that they are mad at you or not and I am not down for those games.
Between Facebook and alcohol my anxiety issues have been really present in my life. Now that I am living in a new area and don't have many people to connect to I feel myself going online to "see what's going on." My anxiety has come to a level where I don't even recognize myself anymore and that's not cool.
SO, I quit Facebook for a little bit how long? I don't know but I need a break and I quit alcohol. None of them are of service to me at this moment and I want to be a better person so, if removing those things out of my life that aren't essential maybe I will be better off? Who knows?
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